Starting to Get the Shakes

On Tuesday November 18th at 3:17 pm I decided to give up Facebook for exactly one week. I did this because I have a problem. It isn't necessarily that I am going through everyone's pictures or reading their interests or looking through posted items to see if I find anything good. And it isn't even that I re-read my info sections on a regular basis to make necessary corrections or that I go in search of funny lines from 30 Rock and South Park to update my status or peruse the internet for things I can post on my wall. It isn't what I do on Facebook. I'd say most people probably do those things (right? right?). It's the frequency. I go on Facebook anywhere from 15 - 20 times a day... That may even be an understatement.

Whenever I read anything mildly entertaining or hear a line that I think is in any way funny, the first thing I want to do is post it on Facebook. This, my friends, is insane. It is insane in a way that makes complete sense in my head when I'm changing my status for the fourth time that day, deleting the others so no one will know exactly how much of my time is consumed with quoting funny lines from movies, TV and David Sedaris. It's insane because NO ONE cares and, although I can think of one exception to the rule, no one even notices. In fact the only person I can think of who would notice that "Elena is tippy canoe and Tyler too" has the same problem as me.

It's getting to the point where I feel like I'm detached from the physical world, like I know everything about people that I don't even say hi to when I see them in real life, like there is a separate existence inside this 17" screen where I exchange witty banter with other people through status updates and that is downright frightening. At times I take a step back and I see myself myself doing this and I just think, "oh dear God, that is unbearably creepy."

And when I do have real conversations with people I find myself intertwining their Facebook personalities with their real life selves.
Example:
"I'm going to go watch Love Actually want to come?"
"I'd rather not."
"What?! I thought it was one of your favorite movies!"
"Kind of... wait when have I ever told you that?"
"Uh..."

It's not healthy. It needs to stop.

Yet I experience moments every day when I feel a strong urge to hop off that wagon. Today my boss showed me a video of Sarah Palin speaking in front of a turkey slaughter house while this dude in overalls standing right behind her slits their throats and puts them through a machine that holds them up while they bleed to death. And as I watched her talk about Thanksgiving dinner at the Palin house while this headless turkey kicked furiously behind her, I wanted nothing more than to sign on, post the link and write "Maverick" in the additional comments section.

God, I miss Facebook. But it's always wise to have a good sanity check.

Still,
Maverick.